Mother’s Day as a Practice
Holding the beauty and heartbreak of single motherhood with mindfulness
Being a single mom on Mother’s Day comes with a lot of emotions. There is such deep gratitude that I get the honor of being a mom to such an amazing being. There is loneliness as I make plans on how we will celebrate and what I will cook since there isn’t someone to plan celebrations for me. There is so much peace in knowing I can wake up and sit by myself with coffee and enjoy the silence. There is heartbreak as I try to teach my daughter how to honor and celebrate someone else when the celebration is meant for me. There is deep love for her and the precious time we get together. There is guilt in knowing I can’t be all the people she sometimes needs me to be.
This list could go on and on. Single motherhood holds so many unique challenges, shaped by the ages of our children, how long we have been walking this path, and the relationship we have with their father (and I know I am one of the lucky ones — we have built a good friendship).
While I used to try to rush through the emotions or busy myself through the hard ones so I could avoid feeling them, mindfulness has offered me something different. It offers me the opportunity to notice my emotions fully and allow myself to experience them.
When we bring presence to our emotions we can build a different kind of relationship with them. We can give them respect and love and let them actually move through us without pushing them away. This is especially true for the more painful emotions. If we allow ourselves to sit with them and understand they are simply messengers of something that has hurt us — in the past or present — we can begin to offer them love and understanding. When emotions are allowed to be seen and felt, they often begin to soften on their own.
There is another gift mindfulness brings. We can notice what we feel in our body and choose not to let our thoughts deepen the suffering. This alone takes away some of the pain that comes from the experience and gives us deeper concentration so we are not being pushed and pulled by thoughts that sometimes aren’t true.
Building this awareness with emotions allows us to work through the painful ones with a little less suffering, and experience the joyful ones much more deeply. And the practice itself is simple: take a few deep breaths and gently ask, “What do I feel right now?” Let yourself notice and allow with loving awareness.
This practice has changed so much for me, including meeting the harder days or edges of life a little more gently. It will be my practice this Mother’s Day — to accept the pain, fully enjoy the day, and experience all that life has to offer.
To all the Mother’s out there - thank you for all you do. Your endless love and service to your kids and families is what teaches us all the depths of unconditional love.
And to the single moms — I see you and appreciate you. Your strength is an immense inspiration. If you are looking for a little space to breathe and be with others this Mother’s Day, I will be holding my Single Mama’s Time with Tea call, and there is still time to register. Giving yourself the gift of presence and connection is something you deserve.
Absolutely, healing brings everything to the surface. And in this way, they're so much more than Hallmark Holidays, just like the winter holidays bring so much to the surface. They make us conscious of our lives and what they hold.